LK: Towards the end of the war Sir Arthur you managed to escape from a Japanese Prisoner of War camp.
SA: Yes that’s right um our trawler bound for KL.
LK: Though the trawler never in fact reached Kuala Lumpur, did it?
SA: No never mind it no the um the Sargasso Sea reared its ugly head and we became clogged. After a few days we were weak from lack of food and we decided the only thing to do was for one of us to be killed and eaten by the others.
LK: How did you decide who to kill?
SA: What?
LK: Did you draw lots?
SA: Lots?
LK: Did you draw lots?
SA: Lots? oh yes yes I yes I drew a great deal, I still do. Not particularly good at it but it’s relaxing, more of a hobby than anything else.
LK: Nno I meant uh …
SA: Just little sketches sketches little things like that.
LK: But in the situation on the trawler when you had to kill these men, did you draw lots?
SA: yes I’ve just said I I drew all the time now
LK: I mean did you draw straws?
SA: No I’ve never drawn a straw draw very easy to draw as well you come to think of it but not very attractive and quite honestly when you’re sitting around on the point of murdering a fellow passenger I don’t think it would have been really tactful to do that. Besides, I can’t really see the point in producing a a drawing of a straw - however lifelike - can’t see it selling very well. I mean it’s .., it’s hardly a gypsy woman with a tear, is it? Andy Warhol might have U might have exhibited a straw in a can of Coke I
LK: How did you decide which man to kill?
SA: Well not by sitting around doodling, I can tell you that! I mean, oh, I see, oh yes um, well a group of us got together in the in the stern and decided to U gang up on Davidson and one of was um Pickering I think it was said um he prefer it to be done fairly.
LK: Dan Fairly?
SA: Yes Jimmy Dan Fairly, he was the quartermaster of great buddies with Penrose that would be uh Chief Petty Officer Penrose?
SA: Yes Jimmy done fairly and Chalky Penrose.
LK: How were the men killed incidentally
SA: no they decided that rather than one of us being discussed [Ed. perhaps dissected is meant] and then eaten why didn’t we all um chip in a toe. I for one was tremendously relieved at that idea
LK: Yes I can imagine.
SA: You see because the Streeb-Greeblings for some genetic reasons have been uh blessed with 14 toes so obviously a couple missing here or there won’t make a blind bit of difference. Probably saved me a fortune in later years not having to have it done cosmetically on the National Health. So really a heaven sent opportunity to get rid of some toes and have a jolly nice meal into the bargain.
LK: How were they cooked?
SA: The toesi? Well we tried with the idea of kebabing them but uh eventually we settled on a stew sort of casoullet seem to be the best way because aesthetically speaking a load of toes on a stick is enough to put you off your food.
LK: It was discovered later wasn’t it, by Penrose I think who went to your locker, that you’d be eating sandwiches that you’d kept for yourself
SA: yes um I uh I kept a whole stock of food in my locker. Penrose was furious but luckily I was a lot quicker than him because he didn’t have enough toes to balance properly and he could scarcely move bod so I trapped him and ate as much of him as I could on the spot and then made the rest of him into sandwiches which I put back in the locker. Let me say right away I’m, I’m not in favor of cannibalism. I’ve got nothing against it, mind. I just take no position on cannibalism but when they’re stuck in the Sargasso Sea with nothing to eat apart from a cupboard full of food, the mind plays strange tricks.
LK: When you got back to England did you ever see any of these people again yes I saw Fairly at the uh in on the park at a convention for petty officers
LK: Did he say anything to you at that time?
SA: No I asked about his foot and I thought he looked at me in a rather stony way.
LK: Have you never worried that one of the men from your past might catch up with you?
SA: A man who has no enemies has no friends, that’s always been my view.
LK: But you have no friends either, do you?
SA: I don’t mix easily, I don’t know it’s a Streeb-Greebling tray [ed. perhaps trait is meant]. A combination of uh shyness and uh violence which makes it difficult for us to form uh lasting attachments.
LK: Sir Arthur the gift you’ve chosen tonight is six geese a laying now, why that?
SA: Well I don’t know about you but I’m starving
LK: Arthur oh thank you
SA (trailing off): Um I’ve got some uh bit of cheese …